Here & Now- 2 More Days

2 more days!! I can't believe after all that we've been through the past year, that we're finally here now.  About to make the biggest promise we've ever made.  After all this time; all this stress, I am finally calm.  I know that things will be just fine and that our wedding will be just as beautiful as the dreams I've had about it.  I am not worrying about anything else.  Everything will fall into place.  I won't stress about anything.  I'll kick any problems in the face and go on.  9 months of planning.  And it's 2 days away.  Seriously, I can't believe it.  I am excited about having all of our family together and our close friends standing right there with us.  It's a wonderful feeling.  Even our lost loved ones will be there with us.  I'm carrying my dad with me, and we'll have the memorial candles lit in honor of them.  It's gonna be the best day ever!!  Of course we have our critics, but who doesn't?  Nobody sees our love just like we see it.  Nobody lives here to see what goes on day and night.  Only we know what our love means to each other.  I started this blog to follow the words of God to help our relationship grow and marriage successful.  We'll make mistakes, yes.  But like everything else, we have handled it the right way in the end, and learned from each dispute.  This is the one thing in our lives that we can control.  And nobody will come in between that.  We know that with God being the center of our marriage, that we can't fail.  In the presence of God and our loved ones, we're making that promise, and we're going to fulfil it!! We've been through so much crap the past year, and never split once.  We have worked through every problem, supported each other in the hardest times of our lives, and proved our love for each other.  There really isn't much else to explain, or say.  Just really excited and ready to continue my future with the most amazing man.. <3

L0VE ALWAYS

Live.  Laugh.  Love.  You hear it all the time.  But they are all good principles to live by.  Live you life to the fullest.  Laugh often.  Love hard.  I am a very loving person.  I care deeply about people in general.  I always wanna help someone in need.  For 21 years, God has loved me unconditionally.  He has listened to me, guided me, and accepted me.  He knew how badly I had been hurt after losing my dad.  A few hours after I lost my dad, my boyfriend at the time, decided he couldn't do it anymore.  I shut down.  I didn't know what to do.  I had been hurt by my stepdad, emotionally, physically, and verbally abused.  I lost faith and trust in men.  Then, Tyler came into my life.  I truly believe God sent me Tyler to help me find the girl I used to be.  He had experienced the loss of a parent, just like I had.  He knew what a tough relationship was like.  God brought him to me to have someone here to help me.  Tyler can put so many things into perspective for me.  He helps me understand things that other people can't.  He has the most amazing outlook on life, despite all he has been through.  I love him in so many ways.  God brought me to my best friend.  He works in mysterious ways.  Tyler brought me back to the loving girl I am.  To being the one who cares, and to make my dreams come true.  He is my indescribable gift.  My angel.  My love.

"The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid." -Psalm 118:6

There are a lot of things people fear.  Different ages focus on different things; are scared of different things.  Love is one thing adults fear.  Being accepted, and being loved for who you really are, are some insecurities.  A lot of people are scared of marriage; committment.  But the more you fear something, the more you respect it.  Tyler and I have said plenty of times that we are a little scared for this, but the excitement over rules the fear.  Our love is strong enough that the fear is not really a big deal.  We know that we are gonna take care of each other. 

When you love someone so much, the fear of losing them is always buried in the back of your mind.  He and I have both lost plenty of loved ones, and to think of losing each other is terrifying.  We know how unexpected life can be.  That's why we make sure we make everyday great!!!  Life wouldn't be complete without each other.

"CAST ALL YOUR WORRIES ON HIM BECAUSE HE CARES FOR YOU." -1 PETER 5:7

We're 22 days away from the wedding.  It's amazing how anxious I am, and how much the stress is getting to me, but it still hasn't really hit me that I'm getting married.  It still doesn't seem real that in 11 months, I found the person I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.  I'm 21 years old, Tyler 20, and were getiing married 3 weeks before our 1 year anniversary.  It's crazy!! Tyler said he thinks it has hit him but UI don't know.  Maybe it'll hit me the night before, maybe the day of.  Who knows?  But I know I'm ready for these anxiety attacks to go away.  Ready for all this hard work, getting ready in half the time it usually takes to plan a wedding.  Ready to see it all come together.  And ready to be with my husband.

0UR FiRST DANCE :)

I wanna drink that shot of whiskey.
I wanna smoke that cigarette.
I smell that sweet addiction on my breath.
I wanna ride cross West Virginia,
in the backseat of a Cadillac.
You know some cowboys like me go out like that.
So I need you
Like a needle needs a vein.
Like my uncle Joe in Oklahoma needs a rain.
And I need you.
Like a lighthouse on the coast.
Like the father and the son need the Holy Ghost.
I need you.

I wanna get lost in some corner booth, Cantina Mexico.

I wanna dance the static of an AM radio.

I wanna wrap the moon around us, lay beside you skin on skin.

Make love til the sun comes up, til the sun goes down again.

Cuz I need you.

Like a needle needs a vein.

Like my uncle Joe in Oklahoma needs a rain.

And I need you.

Like a lighthouse on the coast.

Like the father and the son need the Holy Ghost.

I need you. OOH I need you.

I wanna drink that shot of whiskey.

I wanna smoke that cigarette.

You know some cowboys like me go out like that.

So i need you, whoa I need you.

I need you, I need you, I need you.

0UR F0UR-LEGGED PRiDE & J0Y

I've never been a cat person.  The, now almost invisible, scar under my eye, should say enough.  But my mom called me one morning and said someone had kittens outside Wal-Mart and asked if we wanted one.  I said sure, not really thinking about me wanting it, but more Tyler wanting one.  I was just going to let her pick one out, but I decided to go myself.  Tyler didn't know I had left.  I got there and it took me about 10 minutes to pick out our baby.  He is a big boy now.  Still just as hyper as he was in the beginning.  But I brough home the one that the man said was the most playful.  No kidding.  He is still playful!! He isn't aftraid of anyone.  He never meets a stranger,  This video was taken soon after we got him.  I have sooo many videos and pictures of him.  He is our baby.  He is our 4 legged son.  He knows just when we need love, when we're upset.  He will cuddle up to you in the bed at night just like a baby.  And he loves being held like one.  We love him so much.  Always someone to talk to :)  Mommy and Daddy loves you JJ!!!

PRAYiNG FOR tHE McGARiTY FAMiLY

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." -Ecclesiastes 3:11

Stepping aside from Tyler and I for a minute..

One of our babies, Isabella McGarity, just turned a year old a couple weeks ago.  I was walking into the baby room this morning to put the bibs and rags up and her and her mother were walking in.  I said "Hey pretty girl, you look so sleepy."  Her mother barely said anything.  Unusual, because most of the time she always has a smile on her face.  Then I heard Stephanie, one of our other teachers, say something along the lines of we're praying for you.  She didn't look at anyone, or say anything.  Just this blank look on her face.  She left and Izzy started crying.  I hadn't been in the baby room at all this week.  I asked Stephanie and Mary what happened.  Stephanie said that her husband died in a car wreck on Monday.  I stopped.  He was only 31 years old.  Izzy just turned 1.  She is trying to walk.  And her daddy is gone.  Mom doesn't have a job.  My heart just breaks for them.  I have lost a parent.  I know she doesn't understand right now, but she will never get to know her daddy.  And that breaks my heart.  I can't even begin to imagine what is going through her mind right now.  It makes me sick just thinking about it.  It scares me to think that I could lose Tyler unexpectedly like that.  Or anyone in my family for that matter.  You just never know when your last day is going to be.  I don't handle death very well at all.  I can't keep talking about it or I'll start crying again.  But I am praying very hard for the McGarity family, and praying that they will find peace and healing.  The TLC family loves you guys!!

SELF-C0NTR0L

"One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." -Philippians 3:13

Sometimes the past is the hardest thing to let go of; letting go of things that have hurt us, made us bitter, turned us into people that we don't wanna be.  It's hard not to bring up the past when your angry or just in a conversation- reference.  And it sucks when your trying to move on, but your past just keeps haunting you.  When you want things to go away, but they just don't seem to listen.  Tyler and I have both had kinda crappy pasts.  But the simple fact is that the past doesn't matter.  We love each other and the only thing that matter besides that is that our futures are the only things that we need to focus on.  Throwing our pasts back up in each other's face does nothing but cause confrontation.  Other girls and other guys could never come between us, especially right now.   We both know that we love each other and that we are right for each other.  We also know that it's ok to love people in our pasts but we know that each one is nothing more than an "I love you as in I care about you."  Totally different than being in love.  We have the confidence in our future because "Love never fails...And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13: 8a & 13.

i L0VE Y0U DADDY

"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in time of trouble."- Psalm 9:9

This morning I was on my way to drop the kids off at school.  We had been laughing like every morning, because I'm the coolest teacher EVER, and always know how to make my kids have some fun.  Anyway we were just pulling up to Salem, and the song "One More Day With You" came on.  I immediately lost it.  Thankfully I had my sunglasses on.  I ended up having to get out and open the door for them to get off, so I had just a few seconds to get myself back together.  But when they left, I started to cry again.  I cried for a couple minutes after.  I miss my dad everyday.  In 2 days, it'll be a year and 9 months since he passed, so it's gotten a lot easier, but I still have my days where I cry.  Especially now.  I know even if he was here he wouldn't have the strength to walk me down the aisle, but he could still either be there, or being around to see pictures, and mostly just have been here to meet Tyler and see how happy he makes me.  I have had friends recently who have lost parents.  Even though I've been through it, I can't give advice.  Still, all I can say is "I know, it sucks." or "I feel ya, I know how bad it hurts."  I don't handle death very well.  It's the worst feeling every watching someone die.  Because all that's rnnning through your mind is what could I have done, why didn't I say something different as my last words, or for me it's why did I hang up the phone the last night I ever heard his voice?  I was in 7th grade the last time I heard him talk.  After that, he had his voice box removed and a trach put in.  It took me a long time to let go of that guilt.  I had to realize there was nothing I could do.  He did this to himself.  He chose this over his family.  But that didn't change the fact that he was my Dad.  I read a letter he had written to my mom [he was an amazing writer], in which he apologized for not being there, and praised my mom for how great she did raising Whitney and I.  I just wish he could be here physically to see me move onto my new life.  The wedding was originally going to be on his birthday, November 14th, but stupid deer season......enough said. 

 Not only do I wish my dad were here for the wedding, but I wish I could've had the chance to meet Tyler's mother and for her to be there.  And Carter was going to be the ring bearer.  There is a lot that is going to be missing physically that day, but I know each and everyone of them will be with us in spirit.  They are up there with the man that is making this day possible. 

I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!! November 14, 1958- January 8, 2009 I HOPE IM STILL MAKING YOU PROUD

DECiSi0NS

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

"Listen to advice and accept instuction and in the end you will be wise." -Proverbs 19:20

Here lately, I've had problems with people giving me advice.  I know it's human nature for people to interject their opinion whether you ask or not.  But I am having a big problem with it.  I haven't been able to tell anyone how I feel about it without them getting upset.  But nobody likes to hear the same thing TIME AFTER TIME AFTER TIME.  I don't give advice to people unless they ask for it.  I don't want to be the kind of person that I get annoyed by.  But for anyone that is reading this, I DON'T MIND ADVICE but usually when I am upset, that's not what I want to hear.  I can't even vent anymore without someone making it worse.  I don't get annoyed at my family as much as my friends, because they respect me enough to listen, and give me advice only when I seek it.  Giving advice out of turn DOES NOT help a situation whenever someone is upset.  And people have a hard time understanding that.  I don't know how else to say it without repeating myself.  But again, if I want advice, ILL ASK FOR IT.  This is mine and Tyler's marriage.  No friend of mine will walk in between that.  I have seen friends come between relationships, but this is a marriage.  It's a little more serious.  There is obviously no way I can get my point across to anyone, no matter how calm I am, but I guess I'm just going to have to ignore it.  I just ask that people respect our wishes, and stay out of our personal problems, and things that should be just me and him dealing with.  TRUST that if we need your help, WE'LL ASK!!! Love you all, I promise!! :)

"The LORD will always guide you." -Isaiah 58:11

"I will istruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you,: says the LORD. -Psalm 32:8

My Indescribable Gift

"Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift." -2 Corinthians 9:15

Today is October 6.  Tyler and I are a month away from making the biggest promise we can to each other.  Part of me is a little nervous, just because I don't like being the center of attention, but the rest of me is VERY excited.  I thank God everyday for sending him to me.  He is my indescribable gift.  I have been blessed with some many wonderful days with him.  We've had bumps along the way, of course, but we every bit has been worth it.  Everyday, there has been a laugh or a smile.  I am amazed that it only took a few months for us to know that we wanted this.  People criticize and criticize about that.  But I konw what unhappiness looks like.  I don't stay in denial.  I've seen too many people in my life get hurt, that I won't make the same mistakes.  Time isn't what determines love.  It's how you spend that time with each other.  I wouldn't change a thing we've been through.  Each day, each fight, each obstacle- a learning experience.  Tyler is my best friend; the one I tell everything [almost..lol], and the one I run to.  I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him!!!! :)

TR0UBLES & HARDSHiPS

"Sadness and gladness succeed each other." -Anon

Last night was a rough night.  Today has been a rough day.  Things feel like they are falling apart.  But I know they aren't.  We are just stressing too much.  But everything that's been going on is catching up with us.  But I guess we have to figure out what's gonna help us get over this hump, and I think the best answer is time and patience.  So answers I guess.  Often times, I get upset and then after I cry it off, I am better and I can go back to how I was before.  Crying is my way of letting go of stress in little bits.  And that's how it's always been.  Tyler has different ways of handling stuff, but when it finally builds up enough, he'll break.  But when we're sad together, it's just like the quote says, our sadness will run into gladness before you know it. 

LiVE, LAUGH, & L0VE

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." -Psalm 17:22


It seems that no matter how early I go to bed, or how good I sleep, I am so tired when I get up for work in the morning.  I wake up 20 minutes before I have to be there.  But, when I get about half way there, I am ready to go inside and see all, or mostly all, those smiling faces :)


There are so many bad things in the world today, that making someone laugh could be the best thing that happens to them all day.  I usually always have a smile on my face when I'm at work.  But how could I not?  I love these kids so much!! They really do make my days wonderful.  Even on bad days, I can always make someone smile.  They think everything is funny.  The smallest things can make one happy.  Whether its coloring a picture with them, drawing houses for them to color, doing a puzzle, having them call the HOGS on Fridays before games, swinging them on the playground, so many more things!!


And I haven't even mentioned my babies.. That's a guaranteed smile!! Those priceless looks, grabbing the cribs and swaying back and forth trying to dance.  Climbing all over Kylea and I.  They are so funny :) Just like elderly people just want someone to talk to, kids just want someone to play with.  And it's the best feeling ever knowing your there to provide such a rewarding service.


Tyler doesn't really talk much about his job.  Idk why.  But it seems like everyday I have a story to tell him.  He has been up there a couple times to see what I do.  The other day, he came up there to get my paycheck and we were all doing the macarina.  I think he saw just how much I enjoy my job.  He and I are so much happier now that we both have jobs we love going to.  It brought the stress of that part waaaayy down.  When we both worked at Target, we hardly saw each other for a couple months.  It's been great!!


Got a little of course there, but the point, is Tyler and I are happy with our jobs, basically.  And that's a very important thing semi-outside of our marriage, that has a lot to do with our happiness inside our marriage.  THE SMALLEST THINGS CAN MAKE YOU SMILE!!

WE'RE N0T SUPP0SED T0 SEE T00 FAR AHEAD

[posted a day late]

"God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road." -Isak Dinesen

The future is one of the most scariest, exciting things anyone can experience.  The uncertainty of what is going to happen, not knowing whether you will be here next week or not.  But God doesn't want us knowing what will happen because it doesn't really matter.  He already has our future planned out and we can change his plan for us.  Whether you believe this or even believe in God, he believes in you.  You can override his actions.  He doesn't want us knowing too much about our future because we need to live each day to the fullest.  Love hard, argue little, laugh often.  Tell someone you love them everyday.  Tyler and I don't go to bed ever without a kiss and an "I love you."  The future, to me, is very exciting.  A new day, a new experience.  Something new to learn.  With God, your future is set and secure.  At the end of our lives, where death would do us part, we will meet again in heaven.  What could be better?!

FRiENDS

[posting a day early]


"There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  -Proverbs 18:24


Today is my lingerie party.  I am really excited.  I have had several people bail, but I am trying not to let it get to me.  I know that I am going to be there with my true friends.  Tyler and I have been so blessed with the few wonderful friends that we have.  We found out who was truly worth it when Carter was in the hospital.  We were constantly being asked if we needed anything.  I know most people will ask that, but our friends were there the whole time.  Anyone can call themself a friend.  But like the verse says, a true friends sticks by you no matter what.  Those who call and text you everyday just to check on you.  Those who will take time for you.  It is hard to be a true friend nowadays.  Everybody's definition is different.  But our friends are true :). Always there.  Drop what they're doing to come to our rescue.  There isn't much left to say because you cannot explain a true friendship. 


Thank you to: Welsco family, TLC family, Alyson, Ashlyn, the Lumpkin family, the Humphries family, Daniel, Drew, Monica, Kristen Oslin, Kristen Ellis, the Ellis family, the Pinkerton family line, and Tyler's family, along with my family. <3

Happy 7 Months Carter!!

HAPPY 7 MONTHS CARTER!! I don't really have too much to say other than your Daddy & I miss you.  I wish I could've actually gotten the chance to be your stepmom.  You would have had so much fun with your daddy!! He always got so excited talking about taking you fishing.  You have the sweetest face I had ever seen.  We miss you so much, baby!!

Forgiveness

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32

Forgiveness is often taken lightly.  You can easily say "I forgive you," but forgiveness isn't about those three words, it's about the one true feeling.  I am guilty of holding grudges against people.  Whether it's about somthing done to me or someone I love.  I am guily of allowing Tyler's past get to me.  As most of you know, those who know me, know that Tyler lost his son in early August.  We both blamed several people for this.  The anger, shock, and confusion was making us point blame.  But a few days before he passed, Tyler had a peace come over him, and he realized it was going to be okay.  I didn't get that.  I thought I did, I pretended I did to help support him.  But I just couldn't understand.  I wasn't sitting in there with him, looking at him constantly.  It was hard for me to pray as hard as I needed to without him being right there.  I would hold his hand or foot and close my eyes and say a short pray, but Tyler prayed very hard while sitting next to him.  It just came to him a lot quicker than it did for me.  He told me that he told the mother that he didn't blame her for this.  I thought, "Omg, seriously?"  Now, I know that I was wrong for thinking this was her.  Pointing blame wasn't helping anything.  Tyler was right though; it's done and over.  There is no taking anything back.  Getting mad and blaming is pointless.  The cops took care of the situation; that was all that could be done.  But in situations like that, it doesn't feel right to be "okay."  It's taken me 2 months to realize that I was wrong for blaming her for this.  I feel into the group of people who were talking behind her back.  I know people around me don't understand how I actually apologized to her.  But I am doing what I thought was right, and what God wanted me to do.  God took care of him, like we all asked.  Carter is in Heaven and is inspiring so many people to change their lives for the good.  And why wouldn't anyone want to?  Especially those who were there with him.  I have forgiven the one person that I thought was most responsible for leaving him with someone who could do this to him.  But I couldn't think that anymore.  I don't really want to get into anymore of that, but I was asked to forgive her, and know that in my heart, I forgave her.  I am done pointing fingers.  I'm a much happier person knowing that I truly have forgiven.  It's not to say that I don't cry when I think about it, because part of me still really can't understand.  But there are just some things in life that can't be explained.  And that's something I have to accept. 

Changing subject: Tyler and I have our disputes just like everyone.  But forgiveness is the key.  I've held grudges against him too, but I have let them go.  His past is his past.  We are each other's future.  No one can change that.  Everyone has the power to change :)

"Forgive, and you will be forgiven." -Luke 6:37

Money

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have." -Hebrews 13:5

Money is not one issue in a marriage.  It is THE issue in a marriage.  Common: "What's hers is hers and what's yours is hers."  We don't live like that, but money is still an issue.  It's complicated for me because before I was with Tyler, I was rolling in money.  I could get anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.  I had nothing I necessarily wanted, but I had money to blow if I wanted to.  From what I get of the story, I think he was the same way too, way before me.  But neither of us have anything to show for.  Tyler handles it a lot better than I do because he has hit rock bottom before.  I have always had someone there to back me up if something happened.  But I do need to realize that I have a roof over my head, food on the table, a nice car to drive, a job, and a bed to sleep in.  Electricity and running water.  I need to be grateful for what I have.  Luxuries and necessities are on two different ends of the line.  I do get upset about when he might spend the remainder of his money on something I think is stupid.  But, he earned that money.  Just like I do mine.  We just have a lot of bills to pay off.  Some from his past, others that we've racked up together.  A lot of unplanned things have happened ever since August, and I feel obligated to save my money in case something happens and we need money.  Call me a pessimist but that's how I am.  I feel guilty spending my money on something I "just want."  Sometimes saving money is a problem, but sometimes not.  Unfortunately, money is a necessity.  It's such a small physical thing, to create such a big thing.  They say money doesn't buy happiness.  I agree, but disagree.  For instance, I gave up a scholarship because I wasn't happy in the place I was.  The money couldn't keep me there.  It wasn't worth the stress.  But on the other hand, if you don't have the extra money to enjoy yourself, it can be stressful.  Tyler had spent a lot of money in a short period of time; enjoyed it at the moment, but doesn't have but one thing to show for it now.

A couple weeks ago, I exceeded my 24 hour spending limit because I paid all of our bills early.  Most people would freak about that.  But, I knew everything be okay.  I had a relief come over me because it was out of the way and we didn't have to think about them til the next month.  We're more broke now that we've been in the past 10 months.  We're preparing for a wedding in 6 weeks and money is going to be very tight.  But we have everything we need.  But God is watching over us and is blessing us with the NEEDS and giving us some patience for the WANTS!! lol

Prayer

"Jesus said, 'Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.'" -Mark 11:24

I talk to God everyday.  Whether it is for a few minutes or a few seconds, I make time everyday.  I pray for strength, physical and emotional, for both Tyler and myself.  I pray that we can ignore what doesn't matter and that we can recognize those things as unimportant.  No matter what anyone says, I firmly believe that Tyler and I will have a successful marriage.  We have more love and respect for each other than more couples do.  We have been through more than most young couples too.  Most would have given up and said it wasn't worth the time, stress, and heartache.  But we've stood beside each other through it all.  We've proved our love for one another.  We have prayed hard for strength.  We have been knocked down on our knees and used that as an opportunity to seek God's advice, instead of turning away from him, seeing the hardships as punishment.  As cliche as it may sound, God really isn't going to give you something you cannot handle.  We know that now.  We have prayed for strength, and we have received it.  Tyler prayed for closure and peace with Carter and received it.  I prayed that God would take care of him.  And he did.  I didn't specify how, I just wanted him taken care of.  Our prayers were answered because we believed that things would be ok.  Carter is now having the time of his life with his Father in Heaven.

The Start- God in Marriage

"If God is the center of your marriage, it cannot fail." -Lauren Bennett Brewer


That is the best advice I have been given by a friend or family. Everyone advises, "Never go to bed angry" or "always kiss each other goodnight." But next to advice in scripture, this is the best. God knows best. He gives advice that nobody else can give. His opinion and approval are the only ones that matter. I sometimes have difficulties following my heart, but an even harder time following what God has to say. It's easier to go to someone who I can physically hear, rather than the one who I can hear spiritually. Don't get me wrong, I want advice from those who have the experience with marriage.  But nobody's relationship is the same as anyone else's.  Everyone has different obstacles they have to go through.  So God's advice is ultimately the advice we need to be seeking.