Forgiveness

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32

Forgiveness is often taken lightly.  You can easily say "I forgive you," but forgiveness isn't about those three words, it's about the one true feeling.  I am guilty of holding grudges against people.  Whether it's about somthing done to me or someone I love.  I am guily of allowing Tyler's past get to me.  As most of you know, those who know me, know that Tyler lost his son in early August.  We both blamed several people for this.  The anger, shock, and confusion was making us point blame.  But a few days before he passed, Tyler had a peace come over him, and he realized it was going to be okay.  I didn't get that.  I thought I did, I pretended I did to help support him.  But I just couldn't understand.  I wasn't sitting in there with him, looking at him constantly.  It was hard for me to pray as hard as I needed to without him being right there.  I would hold his hand or foot and close my eyes and say a short pray, but Tyler prayed very hard while sitting next to him.  It just came to him a lot quicker than it did for me.  He told me that he told the mother that he didn't blame her for this.  I thought, "Omg, seriously?"  Now, I know that I was wrong for thinking this was her.  Pointing blame wasn't helping anything.  Tyler was right though; it's done and over.  There is no taking anything back.  Getting mad and blaming is pointless.  The cops took care of the situation; that was all that could be done.  But in situations like that, it doesn't feel right to be "okay."  It's taken me 2 months to realize that I was wrong for blaming her for this.  I feel into the group of people who were talking behind her back.  I know people around me don't understand how I actually apologized to her.  But I am doing what I thought was right, and what God wanted me to do.  God took care of him, like we all asked.  Carter is in Heaven and is inspiring so many people to change their lives for the good.  And why wouldn't anyone want to?  Especially those who were there with him.  I have forgiven the one person that I thought was most responsible for leaving him with someone who could do this to him.  But I couldn't think that anymore.  I don't really want to get into anymore of that, but I was asked to forgive her, and know that in my heart, I forgave her.  I am done pointing fingers.  I'm a much happier person knowing that I truly have forgiven.  It's not to say that I don't cry when I think about it, because part of me still really can't understand.  But there are just some things in life that can't be explained.  And that's something I have to accept. 

Changing subject: Tyler and I have our disputes just like everyone.  But forgiveness is the key.  I've held grudges against him too, but I have let them go.  His past is his past.  We are each other's future.  No one can change that.  Everyone has the power to change :)

"Forgive, and you will be forgiven." -Luke 6:37