i L0VE Y0U DADDY

"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in time of trouble."- Psalm 9:9

This morning I was on my way to drop the kids off at school.  We had been laughing like every morning, because I'm the coolest teacher EVER, and always know how to make my kids have some fun.  Anyway we were just pulling up to Salem, and the song "One More Day With You" came on.  I immediately lost it.  Thankfully I had my sunglasses on.  I ended up having to get out and open the door for them to get off, so I had just a few seconds to get myself back together.  But when they left, I started to cry again.  I cried for a couple minutes after.  I miss my dad everyday.  In 2 days, it'll be a year and 9 months since he passed, so it's gotten a lot easier, but I still have my days where I cry.  Especially now.  I know even if he was here he wouldn't have the strength to walk me down the aisle, but he could still either be there, or being around to see pictures, and mostly just have been here to meet Tyler and see how happy he makes me.  I have had friends recently who have lost parents.  Even though I've been through it, I can't give advice.  Still, all I can say is "I know, it sucks." or "I feel ya, I know how bad it hurts."  I don't handle death very well.  It's the worst feeling every watching someone die.  Because all that's rnnning through your mind is what could I have done, why didn't I say something different as my last words, or for me it's why did I hang up the phone the last night I ever heard his voice?  I was in 7th grade the last time I heard him talk.  After that, he had his voice box removed and a trach put in.  It took me a long time to let go of that guilt.  I had to realize there was nothing I could do.  He did this to himself.  He chose this over his family.  But that didn't change the fact that he was my Dad.  I read a letter he had written to my mom [he was an amazing writer], in which he apologized for not being there, and praised my mom for how great she did raising Whitney and I.  I just wish he could be here physically to see me move onto my new life.  The wedding was originally going to be on his birthday, November 14th, but stupid deer season......enough said. 

 Not only do I wish my dad were here for the wedding, but I wish I could've had the chance to meet Tyler's mother and for her to be there.  And Carter was going to be the ring bearer.  There is a lot that is going to be missing physically that day, but I know each and everyone of them will be with us in spirit.  They are up there with the man that is making this day possible. 

I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!! November 14, 1958- January 8, 2009 I HOPE IM STILL MAKING YOU PROUD